‘Til Death Do Us Part
Most of us enjoy hearing those words, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, during a wedding ceremony, where the new couple is floating in bliss, and they envision being by each other’s side until death separates them. From my perspective, however, I see people who have a very passionate relationship with their material possessions, sometimes more so than with each other! If I didn’t know any better, I would say they feel confident that they can take their possessions with them when they leave this earth. I’m not confident that St. Peter will allow such things through the pearly gates.
With almost two decades in the estate industry, helping people make decisions about the dissolution of personal property, I have seen it all. And in all those years, I have tried to figure out why people have such a hard time letting go. It is important to note that often the Depression Era generation is the one that has accumulated the most. Their parents did not have much and probably possessed more utilitarian items, because of the time period. When their parents passed away, they did not distribute or sell those items — they absorbed them. This means the Boomers will have two generations of stuff to deal with when their Depression Era parents pass away.
Here are a few thoughts on why people hold on to so much:
* You just never know when I’m going to need this.
* There are so many things I could use this for.
* If I hold onto it long enough, it will become valuable.
* It is already old, so it must be valuable.
* I did without as a child, and I will not go without again.
* It was a gift and I will honor the giver by keeping it.
* The more I leave the kids, the more they will have to remember me.
* I worked very hard for these things and I will pass them down.
* They bring comfort and familiarity.
* Sentimental reasons
* Too overwhelmed to let it go — emotional attachment
* I’ll let the kids deal with it after I’m gone.
As an appraiser of residential contents, this is the part where I hope Boomers will listen and enlist the assistance of a personal property appraiser. When in doubt, always have the contents of an estate appraised prior to distributing or selling the contents. Most times, the heirs are not surprised to learn that much of what mom and dad amassed doesn’t have much value. There are some children who feel it might all be “junk” and then discover, through an appraisal, that some pieces have significant value, pleasantly surprising them. Family stories through the years can also add to the anticipation of great-grandfather’s chair being much more valuable because it is so old. Age is not the only determining factor of true value.
Another important task that the older generation should realize is that many of their heirs generally won’t keep many belongings and heirlooms. The Boomer children already have houses that are full from being married 20 years or so, and adding more will only fuel marital strife. The younger generations appear to want nothing but cash assets. Even if your Boomer children do take items, their children definitely don’t want them now, and most likely, they will feel the same in the future. They are not interested in antiques or traditional possessions, when they could take the cash they receive and go to IKEA or Pottery Barn.
Holding onto possessions for the sake of not wanting to let them go will leave a massive burden for the children and heirs. Gifting now, and making plans for the distribution of your possessions while you are still here (and in control of these decisions) is the best plan of action!
copyright 2010, The Estate Lady, LLC
Julie Hall, known as The Estate Lady, is a professional estate liquidator and certified personal property appraiser. With more than eighteen years experience, she has assisted thousands of individuals in the daunting and often painful process of managing their deceased parents’ affairs. Her experience has been sought across the United States and Canada. http://www.theestatelady.com She has authored a best-selling book titled “THE BOOMER BURDEN: How to Deal With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff”, currently available on Amazon.com. With increasing numbers of boomers and older adults across the globe, they are all leaving behind a lot more than their children bargained for. THE BOOMER BURDEN will guide loved ones on how to appropriately handle their parent’s belongings while keeping one’s sanity…and that is priceless. Julie writes a weekly blog which is available at http://estatelady.wordpress.com, called The Estate Lady Speaks.
