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Strength in Unity and Impact of Unity in General
April 24th, 2010Unity is joined strength and force that is required to achieve many social goals. Playing in the same team definitely matters for an output result. The job is done better by the group than by individual person. In such a setting we can manage people and assign the best ones for certain tasks. Even adult people enjoy watching babies that are united… to play or find out something they are curious about. We know that they can be very successful and get seriously creative just to get what they want. Everyone know that two heads are better than one when it comes to solve any kind of puzzles.
Unity is a great characteristic of our kind. By this I mean that people with different ideas of life and minds come up together for one goal that is shared by them. A musical concert without different professionals playing their instruments and maestro putting it in one would be rather a joke. In the same time people working together can create a beautiful symphony that simply moves us inside. In the other areas of life the things are quite similar. Unity that brings people together let them act and behave in a way that brings more benefits. There are people who get more motivated by good of others than one of their own.
Family which members are united is stronger and will prosper in a better way. It will also prepare children for their future. Team without unity cannot play a great match but the one that has it can win most difficult one. No social groups can exist without unity and when it comes to nation people should use it as their power to influence their right for freedom and independence. If citizens do not care then probably politics will lead things for their own benefit.Unity is a great power because it can make a group of helpless people into a spark that brings positive changes.
As I have already mentioned unity is very important thing in family. All members should cooperate together or in their own way to benefit family. If it is about second one it still should be decided by family members together. It is necessary that wife and husband show unity to their children as this is one of the ways to teach it. Pretty illustrative explanation can be found in many old stories. One of them speaks about an old man and his sons. Simply when all of his sticks were bound together none of his sons could break them. The same rule apply to our life.
Example shown in that story is a great one on importance of unity. When you are united your not only stronger but also safer. If you are in a secured group you can think of your goal instead of concentrating on safety. To make it clearer think about basketball team. Tactic and strategies are base for a successful match and if the players are concentrated on a goal of winning match the work with each other in a way that bring great results. If one player breaks out and prefer to show off or simply want to take more honours then things can get worse as combined forces of opponents can easily stop his solo action. Such description gives as a good view of what is unity and how big importance it has in our daily life so remember that even in your office cooperation is much better than competence.
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Importance of Awareness of Children’s Food at School
April 15th, 2010Our children’s school curriculum is well known to us or at least if not in details the general curriculum is in our knowledge. This goes without saying that individual teacher’s strength is also known to us. There are times that we discuss our children’s group setting dynamics with their friends and we realize that they are ware of latest trends and fashion.
We give little or no attention to something that is extremely important to our children’s learning environment and physical development. We are relating to school lunches. At home we ensure that the child gets balance meals, however school lunch should be equally nutritious.
Be aware of what is offered
It’s important that you as a parent are aware and conscious of your child’s school lunch. There are some schools that share the lunch menu and hence we can get to know. Assessing the school menu should be always done and we must know that are the fruits and vegetables given by the school.
It’s good to be different
Parents do not really work towards offering different fruits and vegetables and this does not go well with children. Schools on the other hand can give this option. Schools are careful about what they offer as they want to offer lunch that is well received by children. One more reason is that it is costly. A school should thus offer different menus and this will surely be looked forward for by the children. It’s obvious that too much of the same fruit or vegetable leads to monotony.
Talk to the person in-charge, in school
It’s known with children that the same fruits and vegetables are less accepted at home, but when offered in group settings, they are eaten well with peers. You could also play a vital role in planning the menu by talking to the parents, the nutritionist, school board and other decision makers. There are recommendations given by the federal regulations to eat more servings a day of fruits and vegetables than most people actually take. This gives a choice to picky children and they are offered a variety.
Parents are also a great influencing factor when it comes to food habits. If parents themselves do not have healthy food habits, the children as well will not inculcate it. This is something which is picked up from the environment as well. Make the child aware that eating healthy food can be fun and isn’t a task. Let them know the benefits of each type of food. This will only encourage them.
Hence from the preceding paragraphs we realize the importance of becoming parents who are aware and take keen interest in their child’s well being all through. It is the foundation of good food habits in child hood that will lead to making the child grow up in a healthy adult. This is something that will be well appreciated by the child when he grows up and he will carry this a long way through his life.
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Reasons You and Your Partner Should Consider a Baby Sling
February 3rd, 2010They seem to fall in and out of favor every couple of years. Baby slings (also known as carriers, wraps, etc.) were once the method of choice for millions of moms and dads who wanted to carry their babies. Today, few parents use them and instead, invest hundreds of dollars in the latest suspension system-equipped strollers.
There are actually several reasons to consider using a carrier. From building your baby’s sense of independence to helping dad bond, slings can offer unique advantages for parents. This article will provide an overview of those advantages along with a few tips for choosing the right model.
From Womb To The World
When infants are born, they are forced to leave the warmth, comfort, and security of their homes (for the last nine months). That can have a jarring effect on some newborns. Wearing your infant in a wrap keeps her close to your body. She’ll be able to feel your skin and warmth; both are comforting and can help her make the transition from the womb into the world. Car seats and strollers, while safe, cannot offer this type of physical contact. Neither can provide the same level of comfort.
Less Likely To Cry
Despite what many parents instinctively believe, babies do not immediately start to cry when they want something (i.e. food, a clean diaper, etc.). They’ll first attempt to get their point across by using other means. Because they cannot verbalize their needs, these first attempts quickly escalate into crying.
When you carry your little one in a wrap, you’ll be more conscious of her needs. You’ll hear her subtle fussing due to hunger. You’ll notice her body relaxing as she falls asleep. You’ll become aware more quickly when she needs a new diaper. As a result, you’ll be able to respond to her needs before she registers them by crying.
Bonding With Dad
For generations, fathers have assumed that the bond that exists between mothers and their babies stems from breastfeeding. In a sense, this assumption is true. However, the reason is misunderstood. When a baby nurses, it is the physical contact with her mother that forms the bond. It is the warmth of her mother’s skin, the easy eye contact, and the subtle sound of her heartbeat.
A sling provides an easy way for dads to offer their infants the same physical contact, warmth, and comfort. An infant will begin to identify the feel and scent of her father, and the tremor of his voice.
Encouraging Autonomy
In the U.S. and other western cultures, parents have traditionally taught their kids to be independent. Experts suggest this may be one of the reasons moms and dads in western societies are likely to hold their children less than parents in countries where slings are commonly used.
Interestingly, some experts believe that not holding children close produces the opposite effect. That is, kids who are held close to their parents are more likely to develop the confidence needed to be autonomous. An argument can thus be made that wearing your baby in a sling will encourage their independence down the road.
Selecting The Right Model
Slings, carriers, and wraps, come in different forms. Carriers are designed to hold babies in the front; they’re worn with straps that go over both shoulders. Slings and wraps are designed to be worn over one shoulder, similar to a bicycle messenger’s bag. The option you choose will depend on a number of factors.
If you’re planning to breastfeed, a sling is better-suited for the task than a carrier. Also, consider whether you intend to use the wrap or carrier for practical purposes (i.e. holding your infant while shopping, etc.) or for bonding. Will you carry your baby in it for long periods each day or as an occasional alternative to your stroller? Think about the support you’ll need for your neck, back, and shoulders during long walks.
Using a sling, wrap, or carrier to transport your baby is a fantastic way to comfort and bond with her. It takes a little getting used to, but can play a key role in her healthy development.
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How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep When You’re Pregnant
February 3rd, 2010Before you became pregnant, you knew you could expect a series of sleepless nights after giving birth. However, you may not have realized that sleeping would be an issue beforehand. One of the most daunting challenges that confront moms-to-be is getting a good night’s rest as their bodies grow. Trips to the bathroom become more frequent while their expanding frame makes it difficult to get comfortable. Making matters worse, pregnancy is already taking a toll on your body; it’s starving you of the energy you need to get through the day.
Below, we’ll offer a few suggestions that will help you sleep peacefully, including the best position for getting comfortable. You’ll also learn a few “tricks of the trade” that will lay the groundwork for getting a good night’s rest. First, let’s take a look at the obstacles that lie between you and a peaceful night of slumber.
The Call Of Your Bathroom
Beginning in the first trimester, you’ll need to visit your bathroom more frequently. There are a couple of reasons. First, your body is producing more fluid. Second, your uterus is growing larger, which places an increasing amount of pressure on your bladder. Both circumstances will worsen as you progress into your second and third trimesters.
It is essential that you keep your body hydrated. A lot of pregnant women try to limit the water they drink to reduce the frequency of their bathroom trips. That’s a bad idea. Hydration is more important than ever during your pregnancy, so make sure your body is receiving a sufficient amount of water.
Clearing Your Mind
If only your mind were as exhausted as your body at the end of each day. Instead, a lot of moms-to-be lie awake at night as their minds race with the responsibilities they face. For example, you might find yourself thinking about projects at work. You might quietly worry that your baby’s nursery won’t be completed in time. This has the dual effect of raising your anxiety level while depriving you of sleep.
Daily exercise will help, but you should also wind down each day by avoiding stimuli that causes you stress. Turn off the television, leave taxing conversations for the following day, and pick up a book. That gives you a chance to clear your mind and prepare for a peaceful night of sleep.
The Best Position
Experts suggest that sleeping on your left side is the best position – for both you and your little one. The reason is due to the placement of your organs. As your uterus grows, it puts pressure on a large vein called the inferior vena cava. This is the vein through which blood flows from your lower body to your heart. It is located on your right side. By sleeping on your left, you’ll avoid placing pressure upon it, thereby keeping your blood flowing unhampered.
A lot of women are accustomed to sleeping on their backs, which is the worst position while your pregnant (again, because of the vena cava). If you’re having trouble getting comfortable sleeping on your side, use pillows under your head, stomach, and between your knees. They’ll provide support for your expanding body.
A Few Last Tips
There are a few steps you can take to improve your chances of getting a good night’s sleep. As noted earlier, you should exercise each day to release pent-up energy. You should also avoid drinking fluids right before going to bed (again, make sure you’re keeping your body hydrated). Otherwise, you’ll find yourself scrambling to the bathroom during the middle of the night. Also, consider taking a warm bath to relax your body and mind before turning in for the evening.
Sleep deprivation can be extremely frustrating and taxing when you’re pregnant. You’re going to lose plenty of sleep when your baby is born. Now’s the time to get as much as possible.
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Helping Your Baby Adopt a Consistent Schedule
February 3rd, 2010Even the most spontaneous among us enjoy the comfortable confines of having a routine. The same is true for your baby (though she may not realize it yet). Consider the things she needs in order to be healthy. She needs food, baths, sleep, play, and plenty of affection. Juggling those things can be challenging without establishing a schedule. An added bonus for moms and dads who create a consistent routine for their little one’s activities is that they’ll make their own lives much easier in the process.
Below, we’ll offer a series of tips you can use to create and maintain a schedule for your infant’s bedtime, meals, and play. We’ll explain how to identify clues that will help you meet her needs while adjusting to her internal clock. Lastly, you’ll learn what to expect as your little one grows.
Establish A Sleep Routine Early
The best place to start scheduling your infant’s activities is with her bedtime. If you can help her learn to fall asleep at a certain time each evening, the rest of the day will conform to that pattern.
Start as early as possible using a few helpful prompts that prepare your little one for sleep. For example, give her a warm bath and put her pajamas on an hour before putting her to bed. Read to her to help her fall asleep. After a few months, try putting her to bed while she’s still awake. That way, she can learn to fall asleep by herself.
Identifying Clues From Your Little One
You’ll eventually notice that your infant gives you small clues regarding her needs. For example, she’ll yawn when she’s sleepy or become fussy when she’s hungry or worn out. Over time, you’ll start to notice patterns. Use these hints to modify your baby’s schedule to accommodate her needs. For example, if she starts yawning thirty minutes before her bedtime each night, start putting her to bed a half-hour earlier. If she consistently shows signs of being hungry an hour before her scheduled feeding, change her schedule.
There’s no reason to force your little one to conform to a routine you and your partner created. Be flexible and willing to make changes.
Sacrifice For The Schedule (In The Beginning)
During the first few weeks, it’s important to avoid activities that force you to stray from your baby’s routine. While you should remain open to making changes according to her cues, avoid going on vacations, taking her on outings, or anything else that might disrupt her schedule. Let her be the driving force behind any changes in naptimes, feedings, or play. Otherwise, try to stick to the routine.
Adapting To Your Baby’s Development
Year-to-year changes in an adult’s life are barely noticeable. Babies, on the other hand, grow quickly and achieve major milestones along the way. By the end of your little one’s first twelve months, she might be able to stand and walk. She might start crawling nearly as quickly as you walk. There’s also a good chance she’ll start straying from her normal schedule. Her naptimes may become shorter and less frequent. She may start getting hungry earlier and more often.
Continue to watch for clues. You may need to adjust your baby’s schedule to meet her new tendencies. On the other hand, her straying may be temporary; she may return to her normal routine within a few weeks. Again, be flexible and willing to make changes.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that caring for a baby requires the ability to adapt. Babies enjoy stability and consistency. However, their needs can change – often unpredictably. For example, your little one may suddenly want to skip her morning nap. Or, she may become uncharacteristically hungry in the late afternoon. She might want more playtime than is usual. Adjust her schedule as she grows and allow her to develop at her own pace.
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Smart Tips For Buying and Wearing Your Maternity Clothes
February 2nd, 2010Even if you’re staying home during most of your pregnancy, time can slip through your fingers. After all, you’re busy visiting your obstetrician to make sure everything is progressing according to plan. You’re also shopping for diapers, nursery furnishings, strollers, and other items that will become necessary when your little one arrives. Don’t forget to fit in time to shop for maternity clothes.
The good news is that you’ll have more pregnancy clothing options at your disposal than your mom did. The bad news is that having so many options might make it difficult to choose what you need without blowing your budget. We’ll get you started in the right direction with a few savvy maternity wear tips.
Start With A List Of Essentials
Building your pregnancy wardrobe is similar to shopping for groceries. You already have items you can use, and need to build your stock. The best way to get started is to look through your closet and create a list of maternity wear essentials.
You’ll likely have several t-shirts and tops you can wear. You might even have a few pairs of drawstring pants that will come in handy. Make room on your list for nursing bras, a pair of stylish maternity jeans, and a few stretchy tops. If you don’t already have a pair, buy some low-heeled shoes (flats are even better). When the time comes to go shopping, you’ll have a handy list from which to work.
Mix, Match, And Layer
You’ll save money by purchasing tops and bottoms in solid colors you enjoy. That will give you the flexibility of mixing and matching, something that is more difficult with patterned clothing items.
Also, buy your maternity clothes in layers. That way, when you become hot, you can strip off a layer or two rather than sweating and feeling uncomfortable. Experts claim that your metabolism can increase by up to 20% when you become pregnant. That makes your body more susceptible to a rise in temperature. Mix and match a few light sweaters with several tank tops.
Make Room For Your Feet
Your stomach may not be the only part of your body that expands while you’re pregnant. Your feet can grow, too. This is due to the release of a natural hormone called relaxin – the same hormone that will help your pelvis accommodate the birth of your baby.
Some moms-to-be find that their feet grow an entire size. If your shoes begin to feel a little tight as you enter your second trimester, invest in a larger pair (preferably slip-ons). Not only will your feet be more comfortable, but you’ll also feel more secure as your balance starts to shift.
Get Mileage Out Of Accessories
There are two big advantages to adding accessories to your maternity wear. First, they can infuse your outfits with a little sparkle and sophistication. Suppose you’re mixing and matching solid colors; an elegant necklace, a colorful silk scarf, or subtle earrings will bring out the flavor. Second, you’ll be able to wear them after giving birth to your baby. Unlike your maternity clothes, which you’ll need to pack away until your next pregnancy, attractive bracelets, earrings, and other accessories can easily become part of your regular wardrobe.
Buy A Special Outfit
Chances are, you won’t be able to stock your closet with every piece of maternity wear that catches your eye. That can become expensive. Instead, use part of your budget to purchase one special outfit that makes you feel confident, stylish, and sexy while you’re pregnant. A black dress, timeless in its sophistication, can become your “go to” outfit whenever you enjoy an evening out with your partner. Add a sparkling necklace and a pair of earrings and your ensemble is sure to turn a few heads.
Stocking your closet with fun and fashionable maternity wear doesn’t have to be a chore. If you follow the suggestions above, you’ll build a pregnancy wardrobe that will keep you comfortable, confident, and hip.
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The Pregnant Woman’s Guide to Eating Healthy
February 2nd, 2010Proper nutrition is a key ingredient to feeling energized while you’re pregnant. The problem is, it’s not always easy to know which foods you should eat and which ones you should avoid. Some choices are simple: aside from an occasional indulgence, ice cream and brownies should be left off the menu. Meanwhile, given that you’re eating for two, you’ll need a healthy source of carbs, proteins, vitamins, and fats. Where should you start?
In this article, we’ll take you through several things you should consider when putting together your personal meal plan. You’ll discover why you need to boost the number of calories you’re consuming each day, and which proteins and vitamins are indispensable for you and your baby. We’ll also provide a quick overview of the fruits and veggies you should be eating as your due date draws closer.
Increasing Your Caloric Intake
Your body will need extra calories as you move further along through your pregnancy. The reason is because your baby’s growth is placing more demands on your body. The caloric boost accommodates her needs. Plan on consuming an extra 300 calories each day.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean you can fill the gap with junk food; you need to consume the right kind of calories to maintain a healthy body weight. To that end, get into the habit of weighing yourself periodically rather than merely counting the number of calories you’re eating.
Proteins And Vitamins: Getting The Essentials
Protein and amino acids are necessary in order to encourage healthy cell growth and blood production while you’re pregnant. Aim for 70 to 75 grams of protein each day. Lean meats (e.g. chicken) and fish are good sources. So too, are egg whites, peanut butter, and even tofu.
Your pregnancy diet should also be rich with the right vitamins. You’ll obviously need a good daily source of vitamin C (vital for your little one’s development) because your body cannot store it. The easiest way to get a major portion of your daily allowance is by drinking a glass of orange juice. Broccoli, tomatoes, strawberries, and kiwi are also good sources.
Besides vitamin C, try to include a source of vitamins A, B6, and B12 into your daily diet. Vitamin A will help keep your skin, eyes, and bones healthy. B6 will help your body make efficient use of proteins and fat while B12 helps your nervous system.
Vegetables And Fruits: Nature’s Gift
Some vegetables and fruits are more valuable than others when you’re pregnant. Focus on leafy veggies and yellow fruits. Add apricots, grapefruit, spinach, and papaya to your diet. Carrot juice, tangerines, mango, and sweet potatoes are also good. They’ll deliver the beta-carotene and riboflavin you and your baby need. Beta-carotene, in particular, is valuable for your baby’s development.
Fats Are Not Always Bad
Advertisements for health clubs have all but permanently saddled fat with a bad reputation. In reality, there are good and bad fats. For example, foods that contain omega-3 fatty acids are essential for your baby. They support healthy brain development and vision strength while helping you to store energy (increasingly important as you move into your third trimester). The key is to maintain a balance of good fats in your pregnancy diet. Nuts, vegetable oil, and peanut butter are fantastic sources.
The best way to plan your diet during your pregnancy is to speak with your doctor. He or she can create a comprehensive meal plan that will help ensure you maintain a healthy weight. As a rule of thumb, plan to gain five or six pounds during your first trimester, and one pound each week until your due date. If you notice that your body weight strays far above or below that marker, inform your doctor.
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“Gifting” Prior to Death Brings Joy and Peace of Mind to Both Givers and Receivers
January 24th, 2010Fighting, unpleasantries, resentment, jealousy, greed, entitlement, “he said – she said.”
What causes these, or at the very least, inflames them? A lack of planning. It’s alive and well for those who refuse to plan for their demise, or simply may not know how to plan. Since the beginning of time, there has been a battle between the good and the bad, and it will continue as long as humans are alive, but it doesn’t have to be this way. There are solutions for those who desire to leave a legacy of love, instead of turbulence.
All you need is the will to make a plan, and the right resources to help you put together the plan for your heirs. What would motivate someone to not have a plan for their assets at the end of their life? Probably avoidance, procrastination, and a slice of denial. No one wants to talk about the elephant in the room, but if you don’t, the chubby pachyderm has a way of taking over.
On the flip side, why would someone be motivated to plan ahead and make decisions for their heirs, on their behalf? I call it love, leaving a legacy one can be proud of, and wanting to exercise some control over their assets/heirlooms once they pass away, to minimize guesswork and feuding that might arise.
It’s true that human nature is unpredictable. There are certainly good people who suddenly behave badly in these situations, often leaving siblings and others scratching their heads and wondering why they are behaving in such a way. In my line of work, as an estate expert who specializes in personal property, I see many behaviors that could have been deterred from the very beginning, had there been a plan in place. Then again, there are those who have a thoughtful plan in place, and the behaviors of those involved are usually more even-tempered and gracious.
Ever wonder why so many wait until after their death to bequeath items and heirlooms? If you think about it, it is a lovely gesture to be given something from a loved one after they die. You’re not entitled to it; it is merely gifted to you.
If you can imagine a loved one, still very much alive, wanting to give you grandmother’s pearls, or dad’s war medals, that makes it extra special. In the first place, you know they really wanted you to have it. In the second place, they have just given you something that may well have caused problems when it came time to divide the estate contents. The giving of that gift may have ruffled some feathers along the way, but in the long run, it is taken from the estate prior to death and given as a gift while the loved one is living. This minimizes fighting at the time of death and grieving, when emotions are highly charged. There’s something else very beautiful about this option; you can see and experience the look of joy on the recipient’s face, as well as the giver’s face.
I believe in giving seniors and their Boomer children the knowledge necessary to evaluate personal property and make informed decisions to ensure proper distribution. I encourage my clients to create master lists of their heirlooms, both sentimental and monetary, to write down these items and assign a name to each for distribution now or at the time of death. Developing this list and making these decisions is an empowering act.
copyright 2009, The Estate Lady
Julie Hall, known as The Estate Lady, is a professional estate liquidator and certified personal property appraiser. With more than eighteen years experience, she has assisted thousands of individuals in the daunting and often painful process of managing their deceased parents’ affairs. Her experience has been sought across the United States and Canada on radio, TV, and newspaper media including Bloomberg News, MSN Money, and the LA Times. http://www.theestatelady.com She has authored a best selling book titled “THE BOOMER BURDEN: How to Deal With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff”, currently available on Amazon.com. With increasing numbers of boomers and older adults across the globe, they are all leaving behind a lot more than their children bargained for. THE BOOMER BURDEN will guide loved ones on how to appropriately handle their parent’s belongings while keeping one’s sanity…and that is priceless. Julie writes a weekly blog which is available at http://estatelady.wordpress.com, called The Estate Lady Speaks.
Divide the Pieces of Your Estate With Peace of Mind
January 24th, 2010“I don’t know what to do,” the kind older gentleman confided to me. “Both of my sons want my antique Civil War gun after I’m gone, and I don’t want to choose which son gets it, because they will get upset. They are both already fighting over it. What do I do?”
For the past eighteen years, I have worked in an industry that helps seniors decide what to do with all the stuff they have accumulated. As a personal property expert, I’m able to keep them from throwing away the hidden treasures; like the time I rescued an “ugly” vase from a Goodwill pile that eventually netted the family $57,500! Having liquidated hundreds of estates, I advise them on how to develop a process for distributing their possessions. Their biggest concern, by far, is how to keep their children from fighting over their assets after they are gone.
That’s why this gentleman called me. He loved both of his sons and couldn’t stand the thought of them fighting over that gun after he was gone. I simply asked him who he, as the father, wanted to have the gun. He replied, “My oldest son.” I told him to have the gun professionally appraised and call a family meeting. This meeting would serve as the perfect place to discuss what dad’s wishes were. Give the gun to the oldest son, but let the other son select whatever he wants from the estate that is of equal monetary value, plus an additional item as a kind gesture.
Always think in terms of financial equivalence, unless you have personal reasons to choose otherwise. This method of having the children in the same place at the same time should encourage positive behavior, especially in front of mom or dad. In other words, the decision has been made. Here is our decision, now enjoy. The younger son will be disappointed and even upset by this decision, but by making the decision now and in person, his sons won’t have much to fight over after the father’s passing. Dad has spoken, and taken the matter into his own hands.
If you’re not worried about your children fighting over your valuables, you should be. More than eighty percent of the estates I have liquidated involved some type of fighting among siblings. You may think your own nice adult children would never fight over your stamp collection, but most of these “eighty percenters” were otherwise close families who always got along. For a variety of reasons, something bad happens to good people when faced with the difficult task of dividing their parents’ estates, but there are things you can do now to keep harmony in your family after you are gone.
Be proactive.
Don’t wait until it’s too late leaving others — possibly the courts — to make your decisions. Many Boomers are left with a household of valuables, but no instructions from their deceased parents on what to do with all the stuff. This will ignite rivalries and even legal battles.
1) Consider distribution of heirlooms prior to infirmity or death. What a beautiful moment to see the joy on the recipient’s face.
2) If you are not ready to do that, ask your children to submit wish lists to you of what they would like to have. Have all of the listed pieces professionally appraised. This is no guarantee they will get the objects of their desire. Be upfront and share this with them.
3) Follow up by creating a master list with all the children, what you decide they get, and the appraised value of each. Make sure you are financially equitable in your decisions, then mail out the documents to each child or heir at the same time. What you do for one, you must do for all.
Will you upset some of the children or ruffle their feathers?
You might, but that’s ok. They might get irritated with you for awhile, but you are the parent, and they must accept what their parents decide. You have two choices here. You can either risk having them irritated at you for your choices, or they will harbor resentment and anger against each other, their siblings, for the remainder of their lives.
Minimize fighting.
Open lines of communication are required between Boomers and their parents. If mom and dad don’t want to talk about their final plans and wishes, you will have to find a way to cross that bridge. Not knowing whether your parents even have a will is a big mistake. Confide in your parents, with love and compassion, that you do not want to be left in the dark when they are no longer here. Ask them to share their plans and final wishes with you, because you want to honor them and their desires.
Children are often wary of making choices in the estate process. They are unsure what mom and dad would have selected for themselves, so they live with guilt wondering whether they made the right decision. Make sure all your siblings are in the loop with you; keep communicating. Many times children will fight, because each child has their own perceptions of who gets what. If parents are proactive, fighting and misunderstanding will not happen in the moment of crisis, when the children are in the midst of mourning, estate contents, financial issues, real property decisions, etc.
If mom and dad are already deceased, it becomes the fiduciary responsibility of the executor or executrix to handle these affairs, to the best of their ability. Parents can make the executor’s job much easier, if clear direction is given in writing. For additional information on this, please contact an estate planning attorney in your area.
Be fair.
Hire a professional appraiser to assign value to your possessions, so you can achieve monetary equity as you distribute your items to your children. You may discover that the appraiser finds greater, or lesser, monetary value in certain items, than what was previously expected. Giving one child significantly more or less than the others will create resentment and a lack of harmony.
Be open.
Talk to your children about your estate. Invite them to request things that have special meaning to them. Let them know you will do your best to be fair, and that they will know exactly what you are leaving to each of them. Taking the mystery out of the process reduces the possibility of conflict, and offers peace and appreciation to your children.
What are some other ways you can control the distribution of your possessions to eliminate or minimize disputes?
1) Make sure you have an updated will and your family knows where it is kept.
2) Assign a trusted family member or friend to serve as the executor of your estate. It is usually not wise to appoint as executor one of the children who will gain from the distribution of your possessions.
3) Create a basic spreadsheet of your possessions with each child’s name beside the items you have chosen for them.
Finally, of all the things you might leave behind, the most valuable gift you can give your family is harmony. By taking time right now to plan for the future, you will help your adult children avoid the fighting that has become so common in my business, and give yourself peace of mind as well.
copyright 2009, The Estate Lady
Julie Hall, known as The Estate Lady, is a professional estate liquidator and certified personal property appraiser. With more than eighteen years experience, she has assisted thousands of individuals in the daunting and often painful process of managing their deceased parents’ affairs. Her experience has been sought across the United States and Canada on radio, TV, and newspaper media including Bloomberg News, MSN Money, and the LA Times. http://www.theestatelady.com She has authored a best-selling book titled “THE BOOMER BURDEN: How to Deal With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff”, currently available on Amazon.com. With increasing numbers of boomers and older adults across the globe, they are all leaving behind a lot more than their children bargained for. THE BOOMER BURDEN will guide loved ones on how to appropriately handle their parent’s belongings while keeping one’s sanity…and that is priceless. Julie writes a weekly blog which is available at http://estatelady.wordpress.com, called The Estate Lady Speaks.
When Reality Sets in — Dealing With the Stuff in the Family Home After the Loss of Your Parents
January 24th, 2010It had been a week since Dad’s funeral, and life was getting back to normal for Sharon. Despite the sadness of the occasion, it had been nice to be with her brother and sister and their families. She hadn’t been to her dad’s house since he went into the hospital. She dreaded walking into the empty house, knowing it contained a flood of memories. As she got in her car to drive across town to the house she grew up in, the lump in her throat grew. She thought about all the happy times around the dinner table, and many other memories. As she unlocked the door and stepped into the house, emotion gave way to panic: “What are we going to do with all this stuff?”
I describe Sharon’s response as the “deer in the headlights” look, and I’ve seen it hundreds of times as I’ve helped people settle their parents’ affairs. The sadness of losing your last surviving parent quickly turns to dread, frustration, even anger, as a lifetime of accumulation hits you like a brick. Some families struggle for months to liquidate their parents’ estates, but by following a few simple steps, you can clear your parents’ home in less than two weeks. Here’s how.
Prepare
Eighty percent of the contents of most estates are either donated or thrown away. Contact a local refuse company to let them know additional trash will be placed at the curb. Collect boxes for smaller objects and buy plenty of heavy-duty trash bags. Select an organization, such as Goodwill, Kidney Foundation, or local religious organization, for things you’ll donate and contact them about pickup service.
Enlist Your Siblings
Ideally, all surviving adult children should participate — it saves time and gives everyone an opportunity to select anything they want to keep. The more you communicate with your brothers and sisters, the less chance of hard feelings and conflict.
Locate Important Documents
This could be difficult if you didn’t discuss important documents with your parents, which is why it is so important to have this conversation when your parents are healthy. Most older people keep their important papers in one place, such as a “strong box”, safe, or filing cabinet. What to look for: a will, bank account information, insurance policies, retirement and investment accounts, titles to cars and the house, location of keys, contact information of attorney and financial planner, etc.
Get Professional Help
At the very least, enlist the services of an “estate planning attorney” to help you settle any accounts listed above. If you believe there are valuables among your parents’ possessions, hire a personal property appraiser to determine what those items are worth. If you decide to sell the house, contact a realtor.
Take Inventory
Walk through the house with a notebook and list anything that has either financial or sentimental value. Make copies of the list and give it to your siblings.
Divide the Contents Among Siblings
Use a common spreadsheet to record the “wish list” of each heir. Have an appraiser assign values to each item on each wish list for financial equity, and to avoid additional feuding. For items that several heirs want, have an objective third party select names from a hat, if you can’t agree to share or distribute these items. Division of property should take place with only the children present; no in-laws or grandchildren, please.
Set a Date to Empty the House
Work with your siblings to find a date when they can help clear out the house together.
Establish Three Collection Areas
Before you start hauling things out, determine areas for things you will keep, things you will donate, and things you will discard. This will eliminate confusion and thus reduce the time it takes to clear everything out.
Be Fair and Share
On the day you clear out the house, give your siblings a chance to walk through once more and select things they would like to have. If there are disputes, aim for “financial equity.” If both brothers want dad’s hunting rifle and there was no will to specify who gets it, one gets the rifle and the other gets something of equal value. This is where most disputes occur, so try to establish some ground rules before you start. Be willing to share the item with a sibling, if possible.
Start From the Top
On the day you clear out the house, begin in the attic and systematically work your way down. If you have enough people, work in pairs and create assembly lines.
Be Safe
Gloves, dust masks, insect spray, ladders, hand tools, etc. will protect everyone from unnecessary injury and make the job run smoother.
Be Green
Consult with refuse haulers and local environmental agencies for information on how to safely dispose of old batteries, cleaning solvents, paint, etc.
Check the Hideouts
If your parents lived through the Depression, there’s a good chance they hid their valuables. Favorite hiding places include toilet tanks, ice cube trays, books ($100 bills randomly placed between pages of books), mattresses, beneath floorboards in the attic.
When in Doubt, Throw it Out or Recycle
You will be tempted to keep everything: don’t! It will just clutter up your own house, putting your kids through the same thing some day. You’ll get done a lot faster if you are quicker to toss than to keep.
Make It Fun
Put some of Mom and Dad’s favorite music on the stereo. Have plenty of snacks and cold drinks, and order some pizza or sandwiches. If you run across something with a funny story behind it, share it with your family.
Cleaning out your parents’ home is hard work complicated by the emotional impact of revisiting so many memories. Following these basic steps won’t make it easier, but you’ll get the job done faster. This task may even bring you closer to your siblings than you realize.
copyright 2009, The Estate Lady
Julie Hall, known as The Estate Lady, is a professional estate liquidator and certified personal property appraiser. With more than eighteen years experience, she has assisted thousands of individuals in the daunting and often painful process of managing their deceased parents’ affairs. Her experience has been sought across the United States and Canada on radio, TV, and newspaper media including Bloomberg News, MSN Money, and the LA Times. http://www.theestatelady.com She has authored a best-selling book titled “THE BOOMER BURDEN: How to Deal With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff”, currently available on Amazon.com. With increasing numbers of boomers and older adults across the globe, they are all leaving behind a lot more than their children bargained for. THE BOOMER BURDEN will guide loved ones on how to appropriately handle their parent’s belongings while keeping one’s sanity…and that is priceless. Julie writes a weekly blog which is available at http://estatelady.wordpress.com, called The Estate Lady Speaks.